Karen Carpenter's tragic death in early 1983 called public attention to anorexia, at that time an illness about which little was known. Hundreds of books in every genre on the subject have been published since then, Marya Hornbacher's bestseller Wasted to name just one, and it has become a staple feature of many women's magazines. Despite such widespread coverage in print and other media, however, anorexia--difficult to treat and with the highest mortality rate of any mental illness--is still poorly understood. All of which is why Portia de Rossi's insightful, well-written memoir of her often public struggle with anorexia is such an important and timely book.
Part of what makes anorexia difficult to comprehend is that it seems to have such an obvious and simple cure--eating. The reality, as de Rossi illustrates, is far more complex. Shame, self-loathing and the obsessive desire for perfection were at the root of de Rossi's eating disorder. Embarking on a modeling career at the tender age of 12, diets were constant and severe. De Rossi's mother, a dieter herself, encouraged her daughter's need to stay slim and also, more importantly, the need to keep her sexuality a secret. De Rossi followed this advice to the letter, marrying a man, moving from her native Australia to Los Angeles, and eventually starving herself to under 90 pounds. The marriage ended--inevitably--just as her career began to take off. An initial costume fitting for her role on Ally McBeal (she was a size 6) caused a flood of anxiety and unleashed de Rossi's not-so-latent eating disorder full force. As her star rose, her weight fell and the shame she felt in hiding her sexuality grew more corrosive.
The details of de Rossi's near-fatal illness are not pretty and will be shocking for anyone not familiar with the trajectory of anorexia. What she does so well here, though, and what makes this book so compelling is the precision and clarity with which she presents exactly how her mind worked while in the throes of her illness--from the need to eat only microscopic amounts with chopsticks out of certain bowls, to traveling with suitcases full of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" spray, to sobbing out loud because that burned more calories. Throughout, her sense of utter loneliness and isolation is palpable and haunting.
Now healthy, happy and (famously) married to Ellen Degeneres, de Rossi's story has a happy ending, but it took many years and a tremendous amount of very hard work to get there. De Rossi's celebrity will garner this book enough attention to get it into the hands of the people who need it, but it is the strength of her narrative that will help them.--Debra Ginsberg
Shelf Talker: Portia de Rossi's insightful and well-written account of her battle with anorexia is compelling and timely.