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| photo: Elena Seibert | |
Gretchen Rubin is one of the most thought-provoking and influential writers on the linked subjects of habits, happiness and human nature. She's the author of numerous books, including the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers Happier at Home and The Happiness Project. Rubin has an enormous following, in print and online; her books have sold more than two million copies worldwide, in more than 30 languages, and on her popular blog, gretchenrubin.com, she reports on her adventures in pursuit of habits and happiness. Rubin started her career in law, and was clerking for Justice Sandra Day O'Connor when she realized she wanted to be a writer. She lives in New York City with her husband and two daughters. Here, Rubin talks with us about habits, narrating audiobooks and understanding yourself.
Change your habits, change your life. It seems so obvious when you put it that way, but how did you find the initial idea for this project?
I've been thinking and writing about happiness for years, and I began to notice that when talking about their happiness, people often mentioned their habits--an important habit they couldn't make or break. So I began to get more and more interested in habits.
Then I had a conversation with a friend that turned my interest into a full-time preoccupation. Over lunch, she told me that she wished she could form the habit of exercising, and added, "In high school, I was on the track team, and I never missed track practice, but I can't go running now. Why?"
Her struggles spurred me to ask myself: Why do we form habits, and when, and how? Why is it easier at some times than other times? Why is it easier for some people than others? Why do some people eagerly embrace habits, and others resist them? Why do we sometimes break a longstanding habit overnight--or adopt one?
We all face pressure to follow so many habits: keep the house neat, eat right, exercise, read more, spend more time with family, keep up with correspondence, and on and on forever. Where should a person who wants to make several changes start?
There are a few ways to start. First of all, whenever you're in a period of transition--a new house, new job, new relationship--that's a terrific time to start a new habit. If you're going through a change like that, take advantage of it. After law school, when I started a new job, I started going to the gym before work every day. It was a lot easier to start that new habit when my whole schedule was being changed. Along the same lines, my father quit smoking when he went on a six-week business trip to Micronesia.
Also, a good way to start a new habit is to monitor. Monitoring is uncannily effective. We do a better job with just about any activity when we monitor it. So if you want to eat right, keep a food journal. If you want to exercise more, keep an exercise log or wear a pedometer. If you want to spend more time with your family, keep track of how much family time you have each week.
What new habits have you been able to adopt thanks to your research and epiphanies?
So many. The most dramatic habit I've developed is to give up carbs--I now eat a very low-carbohydrate diet. I'm much more diligent about going to bed on time. I have "Power Hour" every weekend, when I spend an hour working on some long-delayed task. I stand on one leg in the elevator whenever I'm going to or from my apartment, to work on my balance. I've managed to stop snacking after dinner. I put away my clothes regularly--mostly. I stopped using salutations and closings in most of my e-mails. I use automatic bill-paying much more. I go for a weekly walk with a friend. I read much more. I could go on and on!
In Better Than Before, you mainly focus on how to pick up a habit. Do you have any advice on kicking bad habits to the curb?
Good habits and bad habits are mirror images of each other. To stop staying up too late is to turn out the light on time. To stop procrastinating is to work steadily. Some people like to think about ending bad habits, others, starting good habits. Each of us should frame the habit in the way that appeals most to us.
You ask readers to do a lot of thinking about their personality types in different categories. For those of us who have difficulty identifying our tendencies or don't fit neatly into categories, how do we go about identifying our habit strategies?
In Better Than Before, I identify 21 habit strategies. That sounds like a lot, I know, but it means that there's a wide menu of options. If one habit strategy doesn't strike a chord with you, or you're not sure how you'd use it, you can move on to something else. The real secret is to understand yourself, to find the strategies that suit your nature. Among the 21, you'll probably find several that strike a chord with you.
It's surprisingly challenging to know ourselves. You'd think, "What's hard about my knowing myself? All I do is hang out with myself all day." And yet it's so easy to be distracted by what we assume is true, or what we wish were true, or what other people want, that we lose track of what's really true for us. But we can build good habits, and a happier life, only on the foundation of our own nature, our own interests and our own values.
I saw on your blog that you're the audiobook reader for Better than Before and also recorded The Happiness Project. How do you feel about being your own reader?
I love it. It's a fascinating process. And readers are so enthusiastic about hearing the author read his or her own book--it's really gratifying. Plus, when I recorded The Happiness Project I got to work with the people who recorded the Harry Potter books with Jim Dale, and with Better Than Before, I worked with the engineer who had recorded Cherry Jones reading the Little Housebooks. I love those audiobooks, so it was thrilling to have any kind of connection to their creation. --Jaclyn Fulwood