Activist and author Lou Sullivan (1951-1991) was a pioneer in the grassroots female-to-male (FTM) transgender movement and is generally recognized as the first transgender man to publicly identify as gay. For years, because he identified as gay, he was denied medical services and sex reassignment surgery. At the time, doctors believed that transgender people should adopt stereotypical heterosexual opposite-sex gender roles. At age 14, Sullivan wrote, "My problem is that I can't accept life for what it is... like it is presented to me. I feel there is something deep and wonderful underneath that no one has found." Moving from Milwaukee to San Francisco, Sullivan worked as a woman but cross-dressed and lived as a gay man.
Finally, at age 28, Sullivan was able to find doctors to help him transition despite his sexual orientation, with testosterone and a double mastectomy. He brought visibility to trans men by founding FTM International and writing a guidebook for FTM seeking to transition. In 1986, he underwent genital reconstruction surgery and discovered he was HIV+. Sullivan's diaries are fascinating and eye-opening as well as educational, informative and refreshingly raunchy as he tries to find his place on the sexual landscape.
After his HIV diagnosis, the trans pioneer and AIDS activist wrote, "A big fear of mine is that I will die before the gender professionals acknowledge that someone like me exists, and then I really won't exist to prove them wrong." Sullivan's heartbreaking, self-effacing and inspiring diaries are a roadmap and history for trans people. --Kevin Howell, independent reviewer and marketing consultant