Navigating relationships, romantic and otherwise, is a lifelong endeavor. Fortunately, Sue Marriott, a clinical social worker, and Ann Kelley, a licensed psychologist, have written Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World, in which the pair share key insights, theories, and tools distilled from over 30 years of expertise in the field.
The married couple, known for their podcast Therapist Uncensored, take well-known attachment theory as a starting point, then thoughtfully deepen and expand it to the concept of the Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum, which uses arrows and colors to describe states of mind. The authors also cover related concepts, such as internal working models. Their straightforward and informative writing is enhanced by the generous inclusion of scenarios and examples, as well as diagrams and charts.
In keeping with the comprehensive nature of the work, the book also delves into neuroscience and many classic experiments conducted in the field of relationships. Marriott and Kelley are rigorously inclusive, making sure to discuss different experiences and backgrounds and to not brush aside systemic issues. They are also careful to note the contributions women have made to the field, giving attribution to researchers whose work often goes uncredited.
While its writing is often conversational and encouraging, Secure Relating is not a pop psychology book: readers won't find bulleted lists, summaries, or easy-to-digest takeaways sandwiching each chapter. They should be prepared to don their reading glasses and dig into footnotes and summarized academic studies. The result is not for the faint of heart, but all the better for it. --Nina Semczuk, writer, editor, and illustrator