A bisexual teenager develops feelings for her best friend while on a short road trip to meet her celebrity crush in Becky Albertalli's breezy-yet-compassionate contemporary YA novel Amelia, if Only.
Blonde high school senior Amelia Applebaum has been obsessed with YouTuber and fellow New York State resident Walter Holland's videos for "almost four years." Her friends dismiss Amelia's crush as a "no-risk parasocial infatuation," but Amelia feels a strong emotional connection to Walter, who, like her, is bisexual and Jewish. It feels like fate when Walter announces a meet-and-greet in a nearby town. Amelia gathers her "three best friends since literal kindergarten"--brown-skinned Zora, whose girlfriend, Edith, and "cool aunt," Jojo, live near the event, and Asian American twins Natalie and Mark--for "a super-sized holiday weekend" road trip to visit Zora's family and meet Walter. As the trip progresses, Amelia gradually realizes that she is attracted to sarcastic, guitar-playing Natalie, whose "smile makes my stomach ache." She must decide whether to pursue a relationship with Walter or confront her feelings for Natalie.
Albertalli (Imogen, Obviously; Kate in Waiting) brings her trademark humor and layered characterization to this story of identity, fandom, and first love. Chapters from Amelia's perspective are interspersed with social media posts, video transcripts, and Wikipedia entries about Walter that portray online discourse surrounding queerbaiting and boundaries between fans and creators. Amelia's sense that she knows Walter, although she has never met him, will be relatable for many who have grown up in the age of Internet celebrities. While the protagonist's dilemmas resolve a bit abruptly, Amelia, if Only is an endearing narrative of self-discovery. --Alanna Felton, freelance reviewer