Dating in the 21st century is complicated. So is patriarchy. Humorist Blythe Roberson considers both in How to Date Men When You Hate Men--so titled because "it just didn't sound as catchy to name the book How to Date Men When They Are Born into and Brainwashed by an Evil System That Mightily Oppresses Women." Don't be fooled, though, Roberson likes men. A lot. And lots of them. As she puts it, "I have ended up with a number of crushes greater than the population of Iceland."
In this collection of musings, quips and reflections, Roberson invites readers into an inner monologue, much of which could pull double duty as a stand-up routine. The book is a primer on love and all of its trappings: infatuation, flirting, dating, psychic wounds and break-ups.
And it's hilarious.
A researcher at The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Roberson has comedy bona fides that run deep. She contributes regularly to the New Yorker and has written for the Onion, ClickHole and Vice. So, it's not surprising that How to Date Men When You Hate Men is both funny and smart. Harvard educated, Roberson makes delightful use of her English major, referencing Roland Barthes ("daddy") even more than she references her crush on Timothée Chalamet--which is often. The result is, in her words, "[Barthes's] A Lover's Discourse but considering patriarchy and technology and how changing gender roles and economies and urbanization have morphed how two humans decide to love each other and structure that love, and also with jokes."
Roberson offers more of her original takes on love and her own forays into it than actual instructions for a successful dating life--but the instructions that she does sprinkle throughout make for great fun. Killing time waiting for a text? "Call your senators." Advice for how not to flirt? "Correct someone's grammar."
Of course, after flirting comes dating, and Roberson interrogates what people even mean by the term "dating" nowadays. For anyone unsure if they are actually on a date or not, Roberson again offers specific advice. A few of the choicest: "Fifteen minutes in, say, 'What a fun date we are already having!' " Or, "Refer to your socks as your 'date socks.' "
Really, this is more of a philosophy book than a dating book, and Roberson admits early on that she has never had an official boyfriend. It's about how crushes are fun, and how women's crushes get policed differently than men's (Roberson excoriates the common accusation that Taylor Swift is "boy crazy"). It's about considering how so many benchmarks in women's lives seem to be based on women's ability to attract, and keep, a man rather than succeed in their own endeavors. Roberson's answer to that? "Prose before bros." Hence, this book. Ultimately, it might not make readers more equipped for dating, but Roberson will certainly make them laugh--and think. --Katie Weed, freelance writer and reviewer
Shelf Talker: Humorist Blythe Roberson wrestles with how not to lose out on love when patriarchy threatens to ruin it, in a sharp, entertaining meditation on modern romance.