The Perfectionist's Dilemma by clinical psychologist Tara Cousineau compassionately identifies and deconstructs the many struggles and stressors that challenge perfectionists. She further presents practical strategies that combat the paradoxical effects of high personal expectations and standards, while untangling feelings of self-criticism and self-doubt.
Cousineau faced her own "wake-up call" with perfectionism shortly after she finished her Ph.D. program. At a summer barbecue with her toddlers, Cousineau, a workaholic, suffered a panic attack that ultimately forced her to evaluate her many years of striving to "make something" of herself. This unsettling event led Cousineau to address emotional and mental blocks. In turn, she began to research and identify triggers, mindsets, and patterns of those who fall into the perfectionist trap. She discovered that those yearning to be the best often suffered the detrimental influence of their own inner critic stoking fears of failure and rejection and not being good enough.
The key to overcoming perfectionism--and its companions workaholism and procrastination--isn't to try harder to banish anxious thoughts. Rather, Cousineau finds it more productive and beneficial to "make friends" with sources of anxiety through the practices of self-compassion, mindfulness, acceptance, and kindness. Psychoeducational insights, clinical case studies, and stories of notable figures who cultivated their talents to achieve excellence--including the late basketball player Kobe Bryant--helped Cousineau devise a method to deal with darker forces of perfectionism via a thorough examination of the mind and soul in order to lead a more balanced, fulfilling life.
Her motivational approach, entitled EVOLVE, transforms inherent personal qualities into a durable sense of empowerment. Through detailed chapters, she breaks down components of the six-letter acronym that encompasses the practice of embodying the present moment, validating feelings, opening the heart, loving the inner critic, making a conscious vow to live in harmony with the self, and sparking balanced energies of excellence.
Aspects of neuroscience, compassion-based therapy methods, and "basic energy medicine skills"--gentle touching and tapping movements; reminders to help maintain positive focus and realistic expectations--combine to offer game-changing advice and easy-to-implement, conscious behavior modifications. Cousineau's (The Kindness Cure) proven, winning method offers innovative new ways for perfectionists to relate better to themselves and others, while achieving the excellence of their full potential with a lot less stress and a lot more joy. --Kathleen Gerard, blogger at Reading Between the Lines
Shelf Talker: A clinical psychologist offers winning strategies to help perfectionists lead less stressful, more positively empowered and fulfilling lives.