Author, performer, and "gender defector" Jacob Tobia (Sissy) leads off their taut, iconoclastic essay collection Before They Were Men with a provocative gambit: "Men and boys are now the ones suffering the most under the gender binary." How is it that the identity marker stacked at the tippy-top of the patriarchal hierarchy suffers most? Tobia lovingly and painstakingly elucidates the pressures and abuses intended to transform boys into men, as well as the indiscriminate rage cultivated in the process. In doing so, Tobia draws on vital personal experiences and sheds necessary light on a hidden turn in the cycle of gender-based trauma.
"Before they were men, they were children," Tobia asserts, proceeding to unpack the insidious ways that boys are groomed for violence, bullied into masculinity, judged according to a single anatomical member, dismissed by hardened feminist discourse, and introduced to treacherous ideologies within the Internet's "manosphere." Buttressing each chapter are sobering statistics about male suicide, job-related deaths, friendship, penis shame, self-image, incarceration, and more. The result is nothing short of a cri de coeur for the male soul.
Before They Were Men's double-helix structure wisely addresses both men's heartache and the inadequacies of feminism's response. In re-examining popular usage of terms like "toxic masculinity" and "male privilege"--finding the definitions flimsy, the utility dubious--Tobia presents a rare and radical voice for human empathy, balancing their incisive critiques with the panache of a "quirky, hot, fashionable professor." Tobia's admirable benevolence reminds readers how fractured everyone has become under the imperatives of patriarchal capitalism. Here begins a crucial new chapter in the ongoing conversation about what liberation means. --Dave Wheeler, senior editor, Shelf Awareness