"We don't usually talk about the rigorous employee screening process we have here at From My Shelf Books & Gifts, but today I'm proud to highlight our official, unpaid Head of Pest Control. Coal is currently on high alert in the fiction section. For those who don't know, we have an internal term for flies here at the shop: 'sky raisins,' " From My Shelf Books & Gifts in Wellsboro, Pa., posted. "They are spicy, they move too fast, and according to Coal's intense, unblinking glare, they are a threat to local literacy. He's been stalking one particular sky raisin for the last forty minutes. His current strategy involves sitting directly on a stack of new arrivals, letting his massive cloud of fluff entirely obscure a display, vibrating his lower jaw, and occasionally doing a backflip into a cardboard box.
"Does it look professional? No. Is it effective? Also no--all that magnificent fluff just creates extra aerodynamic drag, and the fly is currently sitting on his forehead. But look, his job performance metrics are entirely based on how many laps he can warm and how much fuzz therapy he provides, so I'm not going to fire him. If you want to come witness elite, highly aerodynamic ninja training--or just need to buy a book while a giant tumbleweed of fur intensely judges the ceiling--we are open. Bring treats, because the sky raisins aren't filling him up."